FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Text of President Donald Trump’s inauguration speech, to be delivered in Washington, DC, January 20, 2017. My fellow Americans. I stand here before you fully aware that I face a divided nation. Real Americans who voted for me, and losers. But I say to you we are all Americans. Some of us are just not Real Americans, but being a fake American is still a kind of American. Let me say that even though we don’t see eye to eye, I welcome […]

What follows is a found document, with publication date of 2017. Presented without comment. INTRODUCTION You the reader, or the student or whatever, young person, maybe you want to read this or somebody’s making you. Somebody is probably making you read it. You’re there with this book and let me tell you—you’re lucky it’s this book and not the rotten piece of garbage they were reading last year. I wrote this book and I’ll be honest with you, it’s fantastic. You’ll be very pleased with […]

I’ve just been going through an old playlist and listening to stuff I haven’t listened to in a long time. Back when I was the kind of guy who had a new favorite band every week. As opposed to now, when I listen to the same stuff over and over again, and struggle to understand why anything new is any good. There was this Australian group called the Lucksmiths that I found out about on Napster (this was about Y2K) and I don’t think they […]

Top 10 Francos

James Franco, James Franco, James Franco. Actor James Franco. Writer James Franco. Artist James Franco. Grad student James Franco. Are you sick of James Franco? He may be a neat guy, but he’s hardly deserving of all this adulation. He’s not the greatest person ever. He’s not even the greatest Franco ever. Not even close. These are the 10 best Francos, and James doesn’t even make the top six. Read and learn: 10. John Franco Relief pitcher, New York Mets, 1990-2004 9. Francisco Franco Dictator […]

It’s pretty cool when your seven-year-old son is walking around the house singing “Werewolves of London” without any instruction on the subject. I know he’d heard the song before but today he heard it in the car and it put its hooks into him. He could not stop with the “Awoooooo.” I thought it a teachable moment — we got onto the Spotify and I pulled up other Warren Zevon songs and played them — he was unimpressed. And I had to admit — as […]

Chris Panda is a French pin-up and comic book artist, and he’s recently been posting images of familiar characters with their bones showing. He calls it “X-Ray Serie” (French, remember) and it’s pretty neat. These pictures were looted from his Facebook page (and cleaned up just a little by me) and he’s constantly adding more. His official site is

I couldn’t believe my ears when I heard this commercial on TV tonight — wait, did that guy in the pickup just say what I think he said? See if you catch it: “Chevy Silverado delivers a quiet cab that’s second to nobody in its class — and by ‘nobody,’ I mean Ram and Ford.” Wow. Just wow. I bet someone got paid a lot of money to write that. Probably a team of people. And it was vetted by an agency, and by Chevrolet. […]

Illustrator Jaeil Cho has gone and done a neat thing by comic-book-ifying a Louis CK bit about the questions your stinkin’ kids ask you. Might as well do it now, since we won’t have new episodes of Louie until spring ’14. The images come from Jaeil Cho’s Tumblr. (Am I a geek for noticing that “Jaeil Cho’s Tumblr” is a regular panvowel, containing every vowel, just once, in proper order?). Also props to for tracking doen the original video, which follows the images.

You Stay Classy, Boise

It’s not a big deal when Will Ferrell does an impersonation. It may be funny, but it’s not like “wow, I didn’t expect him to be such a good Alex Trebek.” And it’s not really so easy to do an impression of Will Ferrell. De Niro, you can do an impression of, Marlon Brando, you can do an impression of, Sean Connery, sure. But who is Will Ferrell? He makes his living being not-himself. How about this, though: On Halloween, the sports guy on Boise’s […]

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